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5 Do’s (and Don’ts) During a Black Thanksgiving Dinner

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For many Black families, Thanksgiving is the food Olympics. Here are 5 do’s and don’ts to keep everyone focused on the positives this season.

A Black family celebrating Thanksgiving
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The Gist:

  • Thanksgiving is a popular holiday in the Black community
  • The holiday can stir up controversy depending on the conversations and behaviors that arise.
  • There are ways to avoid conflict with our list of Black Thanksgiving Do’s and Don’ts.

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Although Thanksgiving is shared by all races, the national day of giving thanks holds a special place in many Black families’ hearts. In various Black households (I must stress that I’m not addressing all Black people), Thanksgiving is the food Olympics. It is the time when the creme de la creme of cooks gather to create a meal so good that it becomes something we look forward to year after year.

In addition to the fantastic food, Thanksgiving is a time for distant relatives to connect.

Unfortunately, too much connection can quickly turn a day of gluttony into a messy, unenjoyable wait for the food to come.

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We want to avoid as much heated discussions with our aunties, uncles, cousins, siblings, etc. as possible and enjoy the holiday. So, we’ve compiled a list of some do’s and don’ts of Thanksgiving Black families can use as a guide this season.

1. Do: Compliment relatives on something you KNOW they’re proud of.

Two Black people drinking wine
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Because Black people are so dynamic, it’s expected that Black families consist of relatives making remarkable strides outside of their homes. By now, most families can keep up with one another on social media and know their achievements, which is why that should be the only discussion they have about their career. For instance, did the single 30-something niece get a promotion? I’m sure she’d love to chat about it! The uncle, working at his job for 40 years, just retired? Let’s ask Unc how he feels being off the job!

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Don’t: Ask said relatives about what they’re “lacking” at Thanksgiving.

While it’s perfectly fine to congratulate the wins among the family, what’s not OK is harping on what others think is a loss or something they’re lacking. Single family members have had enough of the “When are you finally getting married?” and “You just ain’t having kids, huh?” Additionally, married couples within the family also don’t care to be asked about the number of kids they’re having or details about their relatives’ failed nuptials. And, single or not, financial lacks are a big no-no topic.

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2. Do: Discuss someone’s weight if THEY bring it up.

A woman walking outside
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Weight and the Black community have always been a toxic pair, as fatphobia and skinny shaming are both popular kitchen table talk in many households. However, some people are proud of their weight loss and, in turn, are OK with sharing details about their weight gain. In either case, allowing them to share their weight, rather than what typically happens, is the best way to keep the peace on Thanksgiving.

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Don’t: Make any comments about someone’s weight.

This should definitely go unsaid, but, unfortunately, it’s too common for Black women, men, non-binary, and trans folks to hear comments about their weight when they just came to Meemaw’s house for a plate. The “you’ve gained weight” or “you’re really having another plate” comments are tiring, especially when everyone came to Thanksgiving dinner for one purpose: eating food none of us should probably be having.

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3. Do: Play Black musical legends during the day on Thanksgiving.

Black people dancing
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A Black Thanksgiving dinner isn’t complete without music playing while the food is prepared. While the music will vary depending on which generation the host is from. However, no matter the household, there are some genres you can’t avoid, including but not limited to gospel, 70s-90s R&B, and line dancing music faves. Some staple legends to include are Whitney Houston, Stevie Wonder; you get the gist!

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Don’t: Proudly blast R. Kelly or other controversial artists. You’re not a rebel.

This is for the 50 people who didn’t think we were taking #MuteRKelly seriously. After three Lifetime documentaries, a trial, and a 20-year prison sentence, we now know what Robert is capable of, and he, nor Blueface, Boosie, and any other hateful artist, is worth any family’s energy.

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4. Do: Have healthy debates in between the food being prepared.

Black women talking
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What is a Black Thanksgiving without a healthy debate about current events? If you’re even a little well-informed about what’s happening in the world, there’s plenty to discuss this Thanksgiving.

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Don’t: Turn Thanksgiving dinner into a live podcast.

Although it’s great to have opposing sides, it’s best to ensure the debates don’t turn volatile. Or, in some cases, violent. No one wants to hear the family talking head debate; everyone who will listen will turn the event into a personal platform. Again, many of us are dealing with the issues personally or from an outside lens and don’t want to hear it on a day of relaxation like Thanksgiving.

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5. Do: Encourage your LGBTQ+ family members to bring a date to Thanksgiving if they choose.

A lesbian couple smiling

Coming out as LGBTQIA+ can be challenging for any queer person of any race. But Black, queer people face the possibility of always being “othered” in their family, with many feeling they can never be themselves.

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This can make holidays like Thanksgiving especially hard, as some Black people in the LGBTQIA+ community have watched their straight family members bring romantic partners to meet the family, while they can’t, whether they’re dating or not. Doing so is harmful and are why many queer people eventually push away from their families of origin.

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Don’t: Discuss your unwarranted disapproval of an LGBTQIA+ family member.

If you were thinking of approaching an LGBTQIA+ family member of how “wrong” their “lifestyle” is or any similarly ignorant comment, this is your sign to don’t. Being Black and queer is hard and no one chose either one. So, hearing that our relatives have dated opinions on who we are isn’t going to do anything but teach the next generation how their loved ones feel about people who don’t subscribe to their beliefs. Don’t be that oldhead.

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BONUS — Do: Allow the same person to make the macaroni and cheese every Thanksgiving.

Macaroni and cheese
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Macaroni and cheese is so pivotal to a Black Thanksgiving that I had to give it its own category. While some would think the turkey is the focal point of Thanksgiving dinner, the macaroni and cheese is undoubtedly the most popular feature on the table.

Due to the importance of the cheesy side dish, it’s imperative that it’s cooked right. So, if grandma makes the macaroni, NEVER let anyone take her place. Unless, of course, someone has granny’s recipe!

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Don’t: Experiment with mac and cheese or any other Thanksgiving staple.

Thanksgiving is a time for many things, but trying a new recipe isn’t one of them. As the viral meme states, please don’t wait until Thanksgiving to try a recipe you had all year to practice at home.

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Woman Has a Dinner for Her 12 Friends and Only Two Show Up

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A woman declared she would stop being the supportive friend in her group after her celebratory dinner went horribly awry. Details ahead.

Relationships become more challenging to balance with our hectic day-to-day lives as we age. One of the hardest relationships to maintain can be friendships. Between the hustle and bustle of keeping a job and other essential adult tasks, it’s easy for social calendars to fall by the wayside when life is too much to handle.

Although life happens to all of us, some loyal people show up for their friends, no matter what they have going on.

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There’s the friend that attends every birthday party, baby shower, divorce party, you name it. And then there are the friends who seem to find something else to do when it’s time to celebrate their pals’ wins.

Finding out that most of your friends are the ones who can never celebrate with you is undoubtedly a punch to the ego. One woman on TikTok realized she probably should rethink her friend group after her celebratory dinner left her heartbroken.

Friends toasting at a dinner table
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Stock photo

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A woman invited 12 friends to her celebration dinner, and only two showed up.

Nearly everyone hosting an event for themselves has at least some fear that no one will show up to their party. There wouldn’t be TV or movie scenes about the horror happening if it wasn’t a valid concern for most of us. However, in many cases, the fear doesn’t come to fruition, and the people invited to the event show up to support their friend or loved one. Unfortunately, that wasn’t TikTok user Big Day’s (@dar.kiee) fortune.

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In December 2023, Day planned a dinner at a Mexican restaurant to celebrate getting a new job. She said in her TikTok that she invited 12 of her “close friends” to the dinner and had even brought some balloons to make the table more festive.

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Day planned the party for 6 p.m. and expected to see all 12 of her guests arrive around that time. However, in her TikTok, she shared that it was now 7:18, and only two of her friends showed up at the dinner, waving to Day’s camera in the video.

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As she panned to her two friends, the table of empty chairs, and unused salsa bowls, Day expressed how disappointed she was in her friends for not supporting her. The TikToker declared she clocked her friends’ negligence and would be returning the favor when the time came to celebrate them.

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“Don’t nobody better invite me to their birthday stuff, [or] baby shower,” Day said. “B—- I’m not coming.”

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Day said her TikTok resulted in other commenters “bullying” her.

Day’s 30-second TikTok sparked some discourse in her comments, causing her to turn her comments off. After seeing what happened to Day, I’m not sure why she would be the one to blame for having bad friends.

We all have things going on and will inevitably have to miss significant events. However, Day said she’s historically been the friend that shows up for everyone, and if that’s the case, her friends are dead wrong for missing her event and seemingly not even telling her they weren’t coming.

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In another TikTok she posted the following day, Day made light of the hatred she received in her comments with a cheeky GRWM video, captioning it, “y’all done bullying me yet?” Underneath the video, the TikToker received supportive words from those who felt Day’s pain and believed she learned who had her back.

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“I’m not sure why people are bullying you for trying to celebrate yourself and expecting the ones closest to you to celebrate with you!!” one user commented. “Forget them!”

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“Your feelings are very valid,” another shared. “When you show up for people and celebrate them, you expect that in return, especially if we’re close friends. You deserve.”

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“I’m here to say we have FRIENDS, and we ACQUAINTANCES!” said a third user. “That dinner showed who your FRIENDS are! Pay attention ❤️.”

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Why Did Andrew Luck Retire From the NFL?

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Andrew Luck shocked everyone when he announced that he would retire at just 29 years old, which has led many to wonder why he retired.

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The Gist:

  • Andrew Luck retired from the NFL at just 29 years old, and explained at the time that he no longer enjoyed football.
  • Andrew elaborated on that answer in 2022, saying that he didn’t like the person he became when he was focused on football, and that repeated injuries had taken a toll on his body.

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After just seven seasons as an NFL quarterback, Andrew Luck shocked the world when he announced that he was retiring at just 29 years old in 2019. Andrew had already broken some franchise records for the Indianapolis Colts, and he had been to four Pro Bowls as well. He had had plenty of success, and was good enough that some have wondered whether he would make a comeback.

Ultimately, though, it seems that Andrew is retired for good. Even years later, though, there are still plenty of people who wonder what Andrew’s exact reasons were.

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Andrew Luck in a Colts uniform playing the Arizona Cardinals.
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Why did Andrew Luck retire?

Andrew announced his retirement ahead of the 2019 season, and at the time, he cited his history of injuries as the primary reason for his decision.

“I’ve been stuck in this process. I haven’t been able to live the life I want to live,” he said at the time. “It’s taken the joy out of this game. The only way forward for me is to remove myself from football. This is not an easy decision. It’s the hardest decision of my life. But it is the right decision for me.”

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In an interview with ESPN from 2022, Andrew went into more detail about his decision, explaining that he went to extremes during his time in the league in part so that he felt like he had some control over the outcome. That meant getting involved with offensive schemes and becoming a sort of shadow coach for the team, and also simplifying his life so much that all he had was a flip phone.

“To play quarterback, you’re not allowed to worry about anything except the task at hand,” he explained. “And that seeps into other areas of life. It’s not the healthiest way to live.”

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After injuring his shoulder in 2015, Andrew also explained that he played several seasons with the injury, even when both he and the Colts owner were assuring the public that he was perfectly healthy and ready to play.

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Andrew added that his focus on recovery and football alienated him from his wife.

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“There were some things that when I looked in the mirror, I did not like about myself,” he said. “I was self-absorbed, withdrawn, in pain, and feeling pressure.”

When Andrew injured his ankle in 2018 and began withdrawing into himself again, he realized that he didn’t actually like playing football anymore.

Ultimately, Andrew said that he went to therapy and learned that he may never have perfect clarity on every aspect of his life. “I doubt I will ever find the answers,” he said. “All of them. Or any answers.”

In the years since his retirement, Andrew has surfaced occasionally, and it seems like he’s much happier than he was while he was playing.

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What Happened to Ylvis? Fans Fear Viral Singer Is Dead

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After a clip and stills of Norwegian singer Bard (from the duo Ylvis) laying down in a coffin circulated the web, folks wanted to know what happened.

What Happened to Ylvis? Fans Fear the Viral Singer Is Dead
Source: Getty Images

The Gist

  • Rumors circulated online in November 2023 that Bård Ylvisåker from the duo Ylvis — of “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)” viral fame — passed away.
  • Folks who saw a VGTV televised “funeral” for the singer, which shows him laying down in a casket, led many to believe he was dead.
  • Singer Maria Mena led a choir in a slowed-down and sad performance of the viral hit track.
  • Bård is not dead, however, and the video was just indeed a staged performance.

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The phenomenon of viral one-hit wonders from artists who seemingly come out of nowhere and gain massive popularity on the internet are an interesting phenomenon: for a few weeks (or months, even), these tracks are seemingly everywhere. About a year or two later, playing the track at a party seems like an insult, until the appropriate “throwback” threshold has been reached.

Ylvis (a comedy duo composed of brothers Bård and Vegard Ylvisåker) is one such artist, but fans became worried in November 2023 that Bård may’ve passed away. But what really happened? And what has Ylvis been up to in the years since their hit 2013 track?

What happened to Ylvis?

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Video screengrab of VGTV's Ylvis funeral performance of "The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?) led by Maria Mena.
Source: YouTube | @Morten Ramm

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And while neither Mena or any of the other singers ever once cracks a smile throughout the performance, the same can’t be said for the folks who were in attendance for the artist’s funeral.

Which probably means one of the following:

  • (A) A few people at the funeral who were happy to see the singer dead
  • (B) A testament to how much of a bop “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?) is
  • (C) Norwegians either have strange funeral customs or a sick sense of humor
  • (D) The funeral was staged, Bård is still alive, and the video was a bit of dark humor in action

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Of course one could add to the final aforementioned multiple choice selection that Ylvis could be making a wider statement on the life cycle of viral one-hit wonder tracks in general.

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Bård is indeed still among the living; after the performance, he even stood up, exited the coffin, and conducted an interview afterward.

While it’s difficult to imagine that anyone would see the video and so many of the laughing folks watching and recording the performance, and think that Bård legitimately died, there are some images that could’ve been lifted from the video that would lead folks to think he actually passed away.

And it wouldn’t be just pictures of him in his coffin that could convince folks he died; Marina Mena shared some photos in a multi-picture Instagram upload that shows just how far the video production went to replicate the look and feel of a legitimate funeral.

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In her post, she features a snapshot of a memoriam pamphlet showing Bård’s face along with his birth and fake death year and in another photo she’s holding up the same exact image on a funeral portrait style painting.

Again, however, the jovial nature of the other pictures in the post don’t exactly scream “rest in peace.”

What is Ylvis of “What Does the Fox Say” fame doing now?

After their 2013 mega-hit, the brothers continued to put out music, releasing their first album in 2014. They also continued to appear on Norwegian TV (where they first grew to fame) and even released a documentary series in 2018 that took stories from Norwegian news and turned them into musicals. And in 2022, they began making content for VGTV.

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The guys also post a slew of funny social media posts, interspersed with clips of musical performances, and even some extended love for the track that was a global phenomenon. A great example would be the somber instrumental version of “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)” set to this brilliant clip of a lost McDonald’s cheeseburger’s globe-trotting journey back home to their McFamily.

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So while yes, viral songs, just like many popular songs, can certainly become annoying after a while, Ylvis seems to be demonstrating a certain amount of gratitude for what they’re most known for while also displaying a stalwart ability to stick to a bit.

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